Elite info

Past Elite Athletes

Athletes who wish to be considered for elite pub runner status should fill out the elite form below. After filling out the form, please allow for up to, I don't know, 45 days for a response? Let's just agree you have a 50/50 chance of hearing before the pub run itself. Gotta like those odds right!?

Elite Athlete Benefits
Well, you'll probably get a cool bib number and a front line starting position. Definitely special bathroom privileges (in the bushes)! Oh, and deluxe accomodations (you get dibs on the couch if you decide to stay the night after the pub run!) Mostly it's about the adoration of everyone else. They'll be jealous when they see you, the elite athlete, strutting to the start line (note: elite athletes MUST strut to the start line. Elite privileges will be revoked for those not strutting).

Elite Entry Deadline: May 23th, 11:59pm



Confirm Email:

Expected Pub Run Time (dd:hh:mm:ss):

Amount willing to bribe amount race director:

How hard will you bring it (scale from 10-as far as it needs to be brought):

Why you deserve to be elite:

Why everyone else doesn't deserve to be elite:

How will being elite change your life:

What is Paul thinking right now:

What is the best leg:

Official use only - please leave blank:

By checking this box, I assert all information is enterred to the best of my ability. And if it's not the best of my ability, I assert I at least half-assed it. I understand if I can't even manage a half an ass effort in filling out this form, I probably don't deserve to be elite. Life is tough.

By checking this box I assert that if I am lucky enough to be chosen as an elite I won't do anything to bring shame to the Memorial Day Pub Run (the "event") and if I do, I accept whatever beating the race director ("the sexy beast") decides. I also understand the sexy beast has many tough decisions to make regarding the event and if I'm not chosen I won't cry because I know there are no tears in pub runs.

By checking this box I assert I like checking checkboxes.